The 5 Least Miraculous Miracles

4 11 2010

You may have seen this video around the internet somewhere, because of its line “Fuckin’ magnets, how do they work?” While that is the quote that got this video recognized, it’s almost certainly not the stupidest thing that gets called a miracle in this video. Meet me after the jump.

Okay, so a miracle is a “wonder” or a “marvel”. So it should be something really freaking amazing. Like, that just fills you with wonder, right? Wrong.


…really? It’s fog. I mean, yeah, it’s cool, I guess? This comes right after “lava” and “snow” though, which are really two much more amazing things. But I mean, fog is very pretty when seen in the right circumstances. I guess we can give them this one.

The sun and the moon, and even Mars

…okay, yes, the Sun, the moon, and Mars are amazing. But that’s leaving out 7 of the other 8 planets. Mars isn’t even the most impressive planet. That’s almost definitely Saturn. I just don’t understand ICP’s logic here.

I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco bay, it tried to eat my cell phone, he ran away.

I really, really love this.

This isn’t even a miracle. I don’t even…what? You fed a pelican a fish, and then when you took out your phone, it tried to eat that? Why the hell is that a miracle? Also, in the song, the other idiot in clown paint sings the line “he ran away”, and I can’t tell if he means the fat Juggalo or the pelican. Fuckin’ grammar, how does that work?


Now we’re not even discussing real things. Have you ever seen a ghost, fat guy whose name I don’t want to look up? No. If you had, why would that be a miracle? Wouldn’t it be more like an abomination? Ghosts are generally not good. No good has ever come of a ghost. Not for Hamlet, not for the film Thirteen Ghosts, and not for the Discovery Channel.


WHAT THE HELL. The most miraculous damn animal you can think of is a crow? He didn’t even throw this in there because it rhymes with something. It’s the first word of a line. IT’S A CROW. It eats dead things and is symbolic in literature. It’s not a goddamn miracle. At least when you said “giraffes” earlier in the song, they are different from all other animals. Crows are just a different kind of bird.

In conclusion, here’s How Magnets Work.




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