I’m relatively new to Twitter [Follow me HERE for site updates and general twitting. I’m a whore], but I have come to like a few things about the best loser in internet social media (To Facebook, obviously). It’s a great way to get breaking news of any sort, peek into the surprisingly boring lives of famous actors, and being constantly whored by links from Roger Ebert (Whom I stopped following; I love your reviews, Mr. Ebert, but you, or your publicist, whatever, post way too much). But perhaps the greatest thing that I’ve discovered on Twitter thus far is the creation of fake Twitter accounts, otherwise known as funny people pretending to be famous people, resulting in some pretty funny stuff. I have yet to see how many of these things are out there, but here are ten fake Twitter accounts that are more fun than SwEeTnSpIcY69HOT.
Follow me! That was referring to the jump, not Twitter… kind of. My brain!
10. Rob Huebel: Fooled ya! Rob Huebel is actually a real person, a comic that has starred in indie hits like Human Giant and Children’s Hospital, as well as appearing in very minor roles in comedy movies all over the place. So yeah, it isn’t a fake Twitter, but it’s probably the zaniest Twitter account I’ve yet to see. Deductions for being a real person, but it’s been more fun following this guy than people like Rainn Wilson.
Sample: “Found a discarded wizard’s staff in my yard from Halloween. Blasted a lightning bolt out of it. Killed a jogger.”
9. El Danny Trejo: Want to follow the badassery of Danny Trejo, but not risk your life by following the real thing? El Danny Trejo is a nice alternative, just in case you don’t like the thought of waking up in a tub of ice and tequila with your kidneys transplanted with maracas. If you don’t mind that kind of stuff, dannytrejo is the actual guy. I’m not responsible for any injuries that may occur from following him.
Sample: “Next year, I’m going to win Sexiest Man Alive by killing everyone else.”
8. Not Jay Cutler: Why are so many good Quarterbacks pudgy and dickish? Like the Tootsie Pop conundrum, the world may never know. That said, the air of smarmy-ness that QB’s like Jay Cutler and Phillip Rivers create has led to some good fake Twitters, my personal favorite being Not Jay Cutler. It combines the douchey things we know Cutler is saying with general insults to players all around the NFL.
Sample: “Look, I’m not making excuses, but Johnny Knox sucks.”
7. Best Worst Advice: Love Advice Dog but hate skimming through endless amounts of awful pictures in attempt to find a funny one? Save yourself the trouble and follow yet another account from the creators of El Danny Trejo and more! You’ll be eating books and getting smarter in no time at all!
Sample: “Can’t beat the police? Impersonate them.”
6. Common Squirrel: It’s a common squirrel. I don’t need to say any more.
Sample: “Run run run.”
5. Nick Nolte’s Mugshot: It’s Nick Nolte’s Mugshot. I don’t need to say any more.
Sample: “Steroids are just PCP for the vain.”
4. The God Damn Batman: It’s the God da – fine, I’ll type something. The God Damn Batman is essentially El Danny Trejo for people that enjoy comics and don’t enjoy Mexicans. I wonder why Batman has 98,000 more followers… Like it matters, though. Those 98,000 will be dead as soon as Danny finds out.
Sample: “Rule #1: Never underestimate your enemies. Rule #2: Everyone is your enemy. Rule #3: Floss.”
3. DRUNK HULK: DRUNK HULK ARE GREATEST TWITTER ACCOUNT
IN ALL CAPS EVER! WHY DRUNK HULK NO NUMBER ONE? DRUNK HULK WILL FIND YOU AND FEAST ON PUPPIES BONES SOON AS DRUNK HULK FINISH BARREL OF JAEGERBOMB. GRAHHHHZZZ…
Sample: “QUICK BABYSIT QUESTION! DO 5 SECOND RULE APPLY IF YOU DROP BABY?!”
2. Gary J. Busey: A fake Twitter account for someone so insane that it might as well be the real guy. From drunken escapades to space-out moments courtesy of having survived a motorcycle crash-induced head injury and cocaine addiction, give your Twitter feed the dose of certified crazy it deserves with someone who may or may not be Gary Busey, maybe.
Sample: “When I die, I want to be buried alive.”
1. Shit My Dad Says: Just as I began this list a lier, I end it a lier, as the guy inspiring these bits of funny philosophy is very real. That said, it all seems too fantastic to be real, so I’ll call that enough to include it in the list. That and the fact the Shit My Dad Says is easily one of the funniest things to come from Twitter. So funny, in fact, that it led to a fairly entertaining book and a mediocre TV show starring William Shatner. Father Halpern isn’t just a callous old man that tells it like it is in the funniest way possible; he’s a true American hero, and what better way to support an American hero than to follow his Twitter?
Sample: “I didn’t say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking than you, and standing next to her, you look ugly.”
Cave to peer pressure! Join Twitter, if only to follow all the funny people, and yours truly…
Sample: “Pop Tarts!”
There have to be hundreds of funny accounts I haven’t found. What are some of your favorites?