[Aha! It’s Thanksgiving week, I’m going to home with family and friends, and I should finally have some time to play a few dozen hours of Black Ops multiplayer. The holiday week has quite a few movies to give, and there are obviously plenty of football games to watch as we all gorge ourselves with pies and turbaconduckens. Click the jump for notes on Tangled, Faster, Donkey Kong Country, and much more!]
- Tangled: Rapunzel gets a makeover, Disney makes money, parents ears bleed for the sake of a child’s happiness, everyone lives happily ever after… kind of. Ok, ok, the film really doesn’t look horrible, I just have a hard time accepting non-Pixar kids films as something legitimate. This would probably be a better choice than [*Searches for other kids movies] Unstoppable.
- Faster: It’s hard to take a movie using the same song that this commercial used seriously, especially when that movie is supposed to be hard-boiled action. Faster certainly looks better than Dwayne Johnson’s last few films, but that’s not saying much, considering his last starring role was The Tooth Fairy. I will give Johnson credit for finally making another R action film for a change; if it sucks, at least it won’t suck with a Serena Gomez soundtrack. [Which leads to this rant: Why the hell is every Hollywood film using these three songs for all their shit? What makes these songs so groundbreaking that they deserve to be in every movie trailer, fight scene, dramatic scene, sports highlight reel, ect? These trailer songs need to be put on moratorium… forever.]
- Burlesque: A small-town girl played by Christina Aguilera moves to the big city, is laughed at for her fake accent, but eventually joins a provocative dance club, finds a cure for cancer, and saves the orphanage with the help of Cher and her broody love interest’s bowler hat. That’s the info I got from watching the trailer on mute.
- Donkey Kong Country Returns (Wii): YES! After more than a decade of handheld remakes and bongo control disasters, Donkey Kong is finally returning to the platforming that made him famous…. what? No, nobody gives a crap about that old arcade game.
Thanksgiving Games of the Week:
[The Chiefs and Redskins should play each other every Thanksgiving. Just sayin’. Or the Bills should change their name to the Quakers, and then they play the Chiefs or Redskins.]
- Saints v. Cowboys: Drew Brees takes on a team that finally replaced that bumbling old guy with what appears to be a deranged barber. Maybe this game will be good. Probably not.
- Patriots v. Lions: Justin Bieber takes on a notoriously bad franchise that has made improvements; now they’re only losing by 3 points!
- Bengals v. Jets: What the hell! You’re telling me that the only choices I have this Thanksgiving are bad football games or spending time with my… *gulp… family?
Seeya next week!