The 5 Manliest Musicals.

26 11 2010

Often the musical is thought of as a “girly” genre of movie, on level with Twilight and High School Musical. (High School Musical will not be appearing in this list. Or on any list I ever write that is not entitled “5 Things I Would Destroy With A Time Machine Before Killing Hitler”.) However, this is simply not true. Many musicals are epitomes of manliness, and are almost required watching. (Although again, never High School Musical. Ever.) There’s a song from each musical to convince you to watch it as well. Let’s go!

When alien civilizations record us in their histories, is this how we want to be represented?

Guys And Dolls

Marlon Brando. Frank Sinatra. Do I have to say any more? Oh, I do. Okay. Frank Sinatra is trying to set up an illegal craps game while being watched by cops. Marlon Brando is a gambler who will bet insane amounts of money on anything. And late in the movie Marlon Brando sings and plays craps in a New York sewer.


So what if there’s only one important male character in the movie? (Don’t talk to me about John C. Reilly. Even he says he doesn’t matter.) That one character is Richard Gere. And he’s a lawyer. And when Richard Gere is being a lawyer, you’d better be on his side, because he will wreck you, unless you have a split personality. That seems to trip him up. Anyway. If Renee Zellwegger and Catherine Zeta-Jones as attractive murderesses can’t convince you (in which case, come on.) here’s Richard Gere being freaking awesome. And kind of evil, but he’s a lawyer. Deal with it.

Sweeny Todd

Jack Sparrow’s wife is stolen by Hans Gruber, so Jack and Bellatrix LeStrange team up to kill everyone who wants their hair cut and bake them into meat pies. It makes more sense in context, plus it’s insanely awesome. And terrible at the same time. Not in a bad way, but in a “London used to be a city of dying orphans and inadvertent cannibalism” way. Well, maybe not the cannibalism. But maybe. Anyway. Who doesn’t love Johnny Depp? Here he sings about murder. In very poor quality that I apologize for.

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers is a movie from a simpler time, when seven men kidnapping seven woman (well, six, but hush) and trapping them with an avalanche was how an acceptable way to court a girl. Nowadays it is generally frowned upon, but we still have this movie to remember those fond times. Also, barn raisings used to be a time when seven foot lumberjack burly men would show off their somehow incredible dancing skills. Watch, and be thankful none of these men are your competition for the ladies.

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

Joss Whedon directing Neil Patrick Harris alone would be enough to make this internet musical about a (super?)villain one of the greatest things to grace the planet. But when you add Nathan Fillion, possibly the manliest man on Earth (contending with George Clooney mostly, with a possible underdog run by Eric Sean Nally) it’s simply too much to handle. Also, Felicia Day is hot. Truths. Here’s a song with everyone’s vocal talents shown, but honestly, go watch the entire thing. It’s free on YouTube.

And with that I’m off! Don’t do anything manly for a little while; I’m not responsible for injuries.




3 responses

26 11 2010
Emily Dowdle

Scarlet Pimpernel is damn manly too. Also, I am pleased that you didn’t just copy the Cracked article.

26 11 2010

I want to nominate Cannibal! The Musical

26 11 2010
Matt Suppes

How about Monty Python’s Spam-A-Lot? Also, Fiddler On the Roof was very good.

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