Whenever the holiday season rolls around, there are three things every person dreads to hear, those being (1) that an elderly family member broke their coccyx walking on a slippery driveway (2) the song Christmas Shoes, and (3) the words, “So, what do you want for Christmas, buddy?” when you have no clue what you really want. Ok, so maybe that last one is just me, but there’s nothing more awful than being asked what you want for Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, et cetera and giving that person a bunch of mumbles in return. Not only are you telling your family members that the speech therapy didn’t work, but it also increases your chances of getting a Rachael Ray cookbook from your grandma instead of a video game.
Since approximately 60% of our site viewership comes from site staff family members (The runner-up for our tagline is “The Media Experiment: Where our parents believe in us”), mostly mine, we might as well give them not-so-subtle hints as to what expensive stuff we want under our trees. Heck, there may even be some stuff you haven’t thought to ask for yet, so click the jump and see what we all want for the holidays this year!
Well, Christmas at my house isn’t really like asking for a lot of super cool stuff and getting it Christmas morning. It’s more like, here’s something pretty cool that my mom bought, but not really sure why I have it now or what I’ll do with it, so probably it’ll chill in the closet. Then we go out like two days later and get stuff I actually want. So, here’s a list of stuff I like to accompany Christmas and stuff I’ll be needing on my own shopping trip.
5. A White Christmas Snow on Christmas makes me really happy. Like, I know all those awful rabbits in my yard are freezing and I’m warm and toasty inside with all my new stuff. Usually there’s cocoa involved and that’s yummy and I am wearing really obnoxious flannel pajamas and pearls. Roaring good fun.
4. A backpack Okay, so I got this really adorable purple backpack from Urban Outfitters before school started. Turns out, I’m too legit for this backpack and it has this massive hole on the bottom. It’s definitely beyond repair. Looks like I’m going to have to go out and get myself one of those yucky polyester backpacks.
3. Christmas cookies Sugar cookies cut into reindeer and candy canes with frosting and sprinkles. What more do you need in life? Mostly a weight loss plan after you eat like 3 dozen of these like I’m hopefully going to in 12 days. Woo hoo!
2. New Ornaments Sometimes, you may experience this misfortune of your entire Christmas tree collapsing to the ground and watching your favorite ornaments be crushed. In this situation, you would also be looking to find some really pretty ornaments to make your tree less sad and ease the pain of no super adorable ornaments that make you feel happy just because. Halls will be getting a visit from me. I need one that looks like a multicolored pinwheel with glitter because it was my favorite and it is in the trash can right now.
1. A harmonica No seriously, my grandpa is so legit at harmonica playing so I can only imagine what kind of talents I have just naturally hiding inside of me. Help a girl out. Think of it, I could even join the many Bob Dylan cover makers on Youtube. Great plan don’t cha know.
Other things I wouldn’t mind: A flat screen TV, a flat iron, a Netflix account, DVR, roller skates, scarfs, cardigans, mittens, boots, a unicorn pillow pet, etc.
5. Tales of H.P Lovecraft: Regarded as the number one horror writer of all time, I’ve had a hankering to check out Lovecraft for quite some time. It’s just that the price of the book has kept me away. My fascination with horror manifested itself after I read some Stephen King novels (“The Shining” being the best), and now I can read horror without, you know, more Stephen King…
4. An SNES: I won’t be receiving this for Christmas most likely. But I WILL be receiving large bags filled with money, so I can purchase it. It seems the SNES is loaded with many a fun game, so I can play Zelda, Mario, etc. I am also attempting to purchase an Xbox (Not a 360? OH MY!) so I can finally play Silent Hill 2: Restless Dreams, as I cannot find it on any other console.
3. A Girlfriend (Or a Forever 21 Giftcard): If someone gives me a girlfriend for Christmas, that’s cool, even though she would probably suffocate in a wrapped box. Yet I would rather take a Forever 21 giftcard than a dead girl. What’s better than being able to purchase tons of cardigans and vests and scarves and flannels and v-necks? Other than the next 2 items in the list, of course.
2. Fallout: New Vegas: I have recently become severely addicted to Fallout 3, and what good timing, eh? Fallout: New Vegas recently arrived, and I cannot wait to be wrecking mutants on Christmas Day. What better way is there to spend Christmas than splattering mutated brains all over the wastes? Yay Christmas!
1. A 160 GB iPod Classic: I have an iPod Touch my mother received from her work as a gift last year. Well, I’ve beat the thing to hell and back, and spent 10 days in 100 degree heat with it. So it has seen better days, and I wish to retire it. Not to mention I can fit every single Zelda tune every orchestrated onto a 160 gig. I am going to spend Christmas day splattering ghouls and dumping tons of music onto my iPod.
Other things I wouldn’t mind: Piles of headphones, The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks, Okami for the PS2, Borders gift cards, and views on my posts.
5. An Atari: Where I live, there’s two video game stores. There’s Vintage Stock, and there’s GameXChange. Going from Vintage Stock to GameXChange is like going from prime rib to…weird brother of prime rib. (REFERENCE) One thing that GameXChange has going for it, however, is that on a shelf in the back is an original Atari system, with a controller and games, wrapped up in plastic. As someone who has bought a Genesis and a Game Gear from thrift stores, this is a beautiful opportunity that I hope someone takes on. And if not, hey, Christmas money.
4. A poster of Zooey Deschanel: She’s hot. Next question?
3. Jackets/Sweaters: I’ve recently developed a strong affinity for jackets that I cannot quite explain. I own a leather jacket, but I want something fancier, like a peacoat, or perhaps something corduroy. I’m odd. In a similar vein, I also recently began to like sweaters. Just things that make me warm in general are good. Yay heat.
2. A new computer: I am fairly certain I will be receiving my mother’s rather advanced computer in the near future, an event that will enable me to game in relative ease, and also eliminate this whirring abomination of a computer from my room. It’s so terrible. Also, I’ll be getting an upgrade on the video card so I can see Starcraft II in its full unbridled glory. And maybe Crysis on like, Medium.
1. Call of Duty: Black Ops/Xbox Live: CALL OF DUTY! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Other things I wouldn’t mind: Some gloves, Starbucks gift card, v-necks.
5. The Rookie, by Scott Sigler: I’ve said many times that Scott Sigler is one of the best new authors out there, but the one thing that pains me about following the releases of a rising star in real-time is that, at the moment, there’s not much material to work with… or is there? We all know that Sigler got his start releasing his books in podcast form, and there happen to be a few of those podcast books published, albeit by independent companies. As a result, Sigler books The Rookie, The Starter (Sequel to the former), and possibly Earthcore, can be bought in hardback, and I can’t think of any gift I’d be just as happy with showing up via UPS a month later. Besides a jetpack.
4. Fallout: New Vegas: Three out of five Media Experiment writers are fans of Fallout 3 (Hint: The male ones), so obviously we all want a copy of the next installment under our trees. Sure the game is said to be notoriously buggy, but I had that problem with Fallout 3 as well, and after using multiple save files, I had a worry-free playing experience. I don’t play as many video games as my tween self did, but this game is a must.
3. The Autobiography of Mark Twain: I’ve never been one for old time authors, the guys that wrote the classics, ect. outside of sci-fi/fantasy masters like Tolkien, Lewis, Verne and Lovecraft. That said, if I end up majoring in something more English heavy than journalism oriented, especially Creative Writing, then I’ll need to start getting into the oldies. One of the few non-fantasy guys I’ve enjoyed is Mark Twain. Also, the man in general interests the heck out of me, so this Autobiography has suddenly become high on my list.
2. Jackie Chan’s Police Story: Thanks to a combination of Wikipedia, a trip to Vintage Stock, and a sudden realization that I haven’t seen that many kung-fu movies, I have developed some unnatural need to watch every Jackie Chan movie made before the 90’s. I recently watched Mr. Nice Guy, (Yes, I know it was made in 1997, but was cheap, silly, and made in Hong Kong/ Australia so it counts to me), but apparently the best Chan movie according to most movie buffs is Police Story. Might as well start with the best then, right?
1. A Laptop: Since our desktop computer became a dust collector from a virus, I type these posts, essays for school, and everything else on a laptop that a share with my brother. While I acknowledge my brother as family, it doesn’t hide the fact that I hate both the fact that he calls it his laptop, and the fact that he likes to swipe it away from whenever I’m in the middle of any writing, homework, ect. So in the end, none of the above stuff is too important; if I got none of the stuff listed above but still got the laptop, I’d be fine with it. Likewise, I can live with getting everything but a laptop, it’d just be nice to have something all to myself, outside of a bed and a toothbrush.
Other things I wouldn’t mind: The Walking Dead Books 5 and 6, a gift card or ten to Borders, Itunes or Vintage Stock, plaid flannel and Argyle sweaters.
I’m asking for immaterial things as I get everything I ask for thanks to my Amazon wishlist account.
5. A comment on one of my posts. Anything. Anything. Seriously, tell me I’m a ballsack. That I’m stupid. That you want to marry me. I just need feedback. It’s what I feed upon. Literally, every time I post something I check manically everyday to see if I have a comment. I don’t. I H8 U All.
4.For the song “Christmas Shoes” to stop existing. Once upon a time, young Emily, fiercely retarded and slightly deaf LOVED “Christmas Shoes”. She wept every time it came on the radio, illegally downloaded it so that she could play it over and over again. Learned all the words and performed A Capella versions at a moments notice, the works. Now, older Emily realizes her mistakes, her troubled past, her struggle with bad music addiction (it was just today she caught herself singing ‘How I Beat Shaq’) and wishes for her past to stop following her.
3. For Marissa Cooper to Come Back to Life: Marissa Cooper (of the O.C.) had one of the most unjustified death in the entirety of television history. So, this Christmas, I’m pleading for Josh Schwartz to be perusing mild mannered media blogs run by high schoolers, like I know he does every Saturday, and see this. Write me a script, that’s it. I’ll do the rest. Just please. Bring her back to life. Have her marry Ryan. LET THEM HAVE KIDS.
2. An Oscar for Cameron Diaz:
- This is the way the world ends
- This is the way the world ends
- This is the way the world ends
- Not with a bang but a whimper
- A whimper of “And the Oscar goes to…”
- Cameron Diaz
1. For Zac and Vanessa to get back together: Their recent break up was really, really, really hard on me. I’ve grown up with them! I love High School Musical! So this Christmas, Santa, please inseminate Vanessa Hudgens with the sperm of Zac Efron so that they may have a baby and a beautiful forced life together.
Other things I wouldn’t mind: My dog to stop having sensitive skin, my hair to grow longer, adventure in the great wide somewhere