I have a confession to make: I am a celebrity stalker.
Ok, not like an “in the bushes” kind of creeper, but I have developed an extremely effective system in becoming as creepy as can be from a distance. Fun! Also, it’s important to be aware of one’s own creepiness so maybe this will help you find out of where you fall on the celebrity creeper spectrum. Ready?
P.S. before we start…I didn’t mean to be away for forever, I am just…busy? Yea, that’s it. So busy. Hey.
Step One: You suddenly have a need to start watching everything this person has ever been in. For example, you watch every talk show video on YouTube. At this point, there’s no rationale for you doing this besides it being entertaining. Beware, this is indeed the first major sign that you are becoming a celebristalker.
Aw Carrie Fisher, I do love you.
Step Two: You sort of consciously, sort of unconsciously memorize every movie or TV show they have ever been a part of. You know about their childhood, problems, marriages, etc. When you type their name into Google, the link for Wikipedia is purple because you’ve looked at it so often. This I believe is the subtle attempt on Google’s part to tell you that you’re starting to make a habit out of something a little weird. WHATEVER MAN.
Step Three: You find discrete methods to work in information about this person to others.
Mom: Do we have any Reynolds wrap?
Me: Yea, and hey Debbie Reynolds is Carrie Fisher’s mom!
Your friends may reject this, but it’s ok. Really. Well, from one stalker to another it’s ok.
Step Four: You read everything about the person. This includes twitter accounts, blogs, WHATEVER. And books. Even books that are the exact same as his or her one woman show. Doesnt’ matter, it is for no apparent reason really interesting and totally worth your time.
Step Five: Well, this is saved to your favorites, just in case they’re on something you haven’t seen before. And so you can wake up at weird hours just to watch/tape whatever it is.
Step Six: This is the final step, and mostly you just really think you should write this person a letter. Hopefully, you don’t go through with it because then this person is just going to know how creepy you are, and that’s not what you want. It’s one thing to be creepy secretly, but don’t share it with the person who you’re being creepy about. Hold onto that.
So, hopefully it’s not just me who meets the bill on each of these steps. Even if it is, so what? I am really good at it.
Also, the Carrie Fisher theme is completely thanks to HBO filming Wishful Drinking, followed by my purchasing the book, and finally followed by my breaking into my Meryl Streep stash (oh a dear obsession of the past..ish) and pulled out Postcards from the Edge. Needless to say, I’m a little Carrie’d up right now. Yay!