Double Whammy: My Favorite Super Bowl Commercials and Bookmare 2011

Honestly, I’m not even sure if this commercial was part of yesterday’s Super Bowl commercials. I missed the first quarter or so of the game on television, and all I know is that this was a finalist for Doritos’ annual SB commercial competition. It sounds like the winner was the creepy finger sucking commercial, so I’m giving an extra shout-out to the birthday commercial, which is equal parts silly and inappropriate. Let’s break it down:

• Boring old dad looks eerily similar to Maps and Atlases singer Dave Davison. He also is goofy and acts like a silly little kid.
• He suddenly pulls a dick move on his “son” (that kid looks nothing like the parents) and blows out the candles for a box of Doritos.
• There is suddenly a hip hop robot. Slightly overweight dad and robot dance badly.
• STRIPPER POLE
• The end

I was pretty much on the floor trying to re-learn how to breathe after losing said ability from laughing so hard. A close second/ third place goes to these videos.

Because pugs are freaking awesome, and because the modern day guy in the Carmax commercial does a good job of being seriously confused and terrified.

Now, after the jump I have what may be the most ridiculous reading list of my entire life. Click the jump and watch in horror; it’s BOOKMARE 2011!

My Snowmageddon Laundry List

Hey, kids! Do you live an area stretching from Kansas City to Pittsburgh? If you do, chances are good that you’ve heard about some sort of snow storm that is predicted (*predicted) to be one of the most epically disatrous winter weather events in quite some time. Check these quotes out from around the country!

University of Missouri News Bureau

Based on a predicted, historic weather event and to ensure the safety of the campus community, University of Missouri Chancellor Brady Deaton has announced full closure of the MU campus and the cancellation of all classes, effective 4 p.m. Monday, Jan. 31, through Tuesday night, Feb. 1.

Chicago Tribune

The weather service called the approaching storm “dangerous, multifaceted and potentially life-threatening.” [I don’t even know what multifaceted means and I’m scared! – Ed]

“The last storm of this potential magnitude to hit Chicago was in Jan. 2, 1999,” said Richard Castro, a meteorologist at the weather service. That day, he said, 18.6 inches of accumulation were measured in the city.

Nancy Loo’s Twitter

It’s coming, Chicago!#Snowmageddon #Snowpocalypse#Tsnownami #Blizzaster #snOMG#Snowprah #Chlizzard. Which terms did I miss? [Four Snowmen of the Apocalypse – Ed]

Yeah, it’s supposed to be pretty big.

Anyways, I’ve found these recent storms to be a great time to relax and indulge in my geek-pleasures after a long morning of shoveling. Given that my toothpick arms aren’t suited for the frozen water-scraping to begin with, it’s nice to be able to actually sit down and expel the thoughts of the clusterf*ck that is going on outside.

This is a good thing too, because I currently have a lot of games that have been abandoned halfway through. School, sports, and general “whatevs-ness” about playing games during the work/school week have put me in a hole, and due to lack of topics I feel like writing about, I’m detailing it all out to waste some time in the awful weather. My Snowmageddon Laundry List, after the jump.

Review: ‘The Starter’ by Scott Sigler

And just like that, I’m out of Scott Sigler stuff to read until his next book is released sometime this summer, or at least that’s what Wikipedia (“Oh my God! Ten years!”) says about the third and final installment of Sigler’s Infected series. Less than three weeks after breezing through Sigler’s first sci-fi sports story, The Rookie, I immediately picked up the 2010 sequel on my Kindle. Despite working on Angela’s Ashes for school and looking around town for a copy of the science fiction survival guide for Emily’s book club (I’ve already read World War Z, so I have plenty of time), I still zipped through The Starter in less than a week. It’s amazing how the Kindle’s percent meter makes me finish books faster.

The Starter stays true to the first installment of the series, giving the reader a story filled with lots of action, intrigue, and tongue-in-cheek humor. What’s more is that the book actually seems to focus more on drama going on off the field than the actual football games this time around. What’s more is that the book as a whole, in the end, feels almost like an expansion pack for a video game than a full-fledged sequel to a novel. That said, there are still plenty reasons to enjoy The Starter, and I’ll detail it all after the jump.

TME Collaboration: Our Top 5 Favorite Books

Around the age of eight, I was pretty much living in hell. That was a point in time when TV, movies, fireworks, and other kids all scared the crap out of me. I wouldn’t develop my love of spoofs and tolerance of horror films for eight years. I wouldn’t have a video game system for three years. Midget wrestling wouldn’t be on TV for ten years. During that time spent as a child, books were the best way for me to escape from the horrors of being a sheltered white boy. Hence, this post.

Now, to be perfectly honest, it’d be pretty easy for me to make a post with my five favorite books, put a mini-essay on why each one is more important that your children with that list, and then post it under my name and my name only. But what if Jackie wanted to tell the world about her favorite books? Or Trevor, or Emily? Jimmy doesn’t know how to read, so I’ll leave him out of that. I think you see where I’m getting at. Instead of four different posts all about the same thing, all of the authors are coming together and putting their opinions onto one big post. Follow us after the jump to see everyone’s top five favorite books!

Suppes’ Halloween Goodies: The Podcasts and Published Works of Scott Sigler

 

Nice guy

If you’re a fan of horror novels, then surely you have heard of names like H.P. Lovecraft, Stephen King, Richard Matheson, and Dean Koontz. Chances are good that you’ve read at least one book by any of the previously mentioned writers as well. While all of those guys are simply amazing in every aspect of their horror stories, I’ve recently been in love with one author and one author only: Scott Sigler, the future of Sci-Fi Thrillers as we know it.

The dude started out by giving his science fiction and horror stories away in the form of podcast episodes. Thanks to the popularity and success of his podcast books, Sigler grew a huge following of fans (Nicknamed “junkies”) and eventually landed a deal with Random House Publishing. He has since released three books, and they all deserve to be sitting on your bookshelf as we speak. Read about them after the jump!

My Top 10 Favorite Pieces of Zombie Media

From vampires to werewolves, hellish demons to Frank N. Furters Frankensteins, Halloween is chocked full of memorable creatures that always make a few appearances every year in entertainment, be it through books, TV, video games, or movies. Nowadays, though, a lot of Halloween time monsters that used to scare the Holy Water out of me have turned into things that wouldn’t even scare my mother, and that’s saying a lot.

Vampires now sparkle, wear fancy scarves and preach the joys of queefing abstinence. Werewolves have been either delegated to remakes of classics, or to the previously stated Twi-Hard movies as muscular Native American teens. Frankenstein has been MIA for years now (Van Helsing doesn’t count) and that essentially has left one ghoul to take over as top terror. The Zombie.

Personally, I’m just fine with that. While I would love to see some real vampires take the spotlight away from Twilight, and would equally love to see a new serial killer take control away from Jigsaw, at least I’ve had good ol’ zombies to entertain me for the last decade or so. Read after the jump to see my top ten pieces of zombie media after the jump!

Halloween Suggestions: Day 2

I’ve been slacking on my suggestions of things to make you evacuate your bowels in fear. Forgive me? Thanks, babe.

Today: Books

Books are scary, and not just because we’re Americans. When you watch a movie, the director and actors are saying “this is what is scary right here. Look at it.” When you read a book, you’re creating the scene in your mind, and it’s almost always creepier, because who knows what scares you better than you?

THAT'S WHO

Anyway, here’s two books that will make your thoughts their bitch.

(Note: The things I choose for my Suggestions are not necessarily the “scariest” books or movies or whatnot that I have ever seen. They are scary things that I am hoping you have not heard of before.)

From A Buick 8 – Stephen King

In my freshman year of high school I got a learning lab. I didn’t want a learning lab. I had to sit there and do homework, or read. It was freshman year, so I almost never had homework. So I read about 20 books, including every Stephen King book our library had to offer. Firestarter, Christine, The Dead Zone, ‘Salem’s Lot. They had quite a few. And I’d heard of all of them previously. But I had heard nothing about From A Buick 8, and was interested to read it.

One day, a man leaves a Buick 8 at a gas station in a rural town. The police station impounds it in a garage, and soon realizes that whatever this thing is, it only resembles a Buick 8. Strange lights flash around it, and sometimes things disappear from the vicinity of the car. Even worse, sometimes things appear. Things that should not…be.

That’s all I’m telling you about From A Buick 8. Read it. One thing I love about Stephen King is that he tells you enough in his descriptions to give you a general picture in your mind of what is happening. I remember being frightened by the mental picture I built of something from this book. If there’s a better compliment to give to someone, I sure as hell can’t think of it.

Relic – Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child

I read this book back in the time when my parents just brought home books from the library and I read them, without them like pre-approving them or anything. I was reading Stephen King books at the age of like, 12. Which can’t have been healthy for my brain. This book probably wasn’t either.

Now, my remembrance of this book is vague. The plot at least is. My being scared remains fresh in my mind. The general deal is that really, really weird murders are going in a museum, and people are trying to figure out what the hell is going on. This book is way better than I am making it sound, I swear. It’s creepy as all get out and you need to read it. Would I lie to you? I wouldn’t. Truth.

So there’s your two books to look at! I promise they are worth your time. If they’re not, comment. If they are, comment also. Just comment please.