Friday the 13th: A Thesis

Friday the 13th is by far the most prolific of the three big horror franchises of the 80’s, the other two being A Nightmare on Elm Street and Halloween. While Nightmare On Elm Street evolved over time, with Freddy becoming less silent and more of a wisecracking villain, and Halloween essentially imploded in upon its own timeline, Friday the 13th just kept pumping out movies at the rate of about one a year, with the same formula, the same silent killer, and the same goal: a scary movie where teenagers have sex, and then die, or drink, and then die, or do drugs, and then die. In the end, Jason is stopped, but never permanently. He’s reliable – he’ll always be back.

I begin my descent into insanity after the jump.

The 5 Best Slender Man pictures.

Slender Man is by far the most terrifying thing on the internet since this picture.

I FEED ON YOUR SOULS

Slender Man is, depending on who you listen to, a terrifying figure who stalks and kills people, often children, in the creepiest way possible, or a figure invented on the Something Awful boards. (Hint: It’s the first one.)

To learn more about Slender Man, I implore you to watch the series entitled Marble Hornets that I posted in my 4th day of Halloween suggestions. Hopefully these pictures will get the word out about Slender Man.

[Catch the pics after the jump. To be honest, I’m scared shitless right now – Suppes]

Halloween Suggestions: Day 5

It’s Day 5! Sorry these are getting later and later. I’m spending all my time on research for an epic post I plan on making later. Really though, it will be epic. Anyway, today I have creepy games for you! But these don’t require purchase. Internet games!

The House

http://jayisgames.com/games/the-house/

This game is creepy. Like, really really creepy. It’s kind of a half puzzle/half LOOK OUT CREEPY THINGS game. I can almost promise you will scream at least once.

Exmortis

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/189227

Exmortis is much more subtle in the horror department. It will creep you out without yelling things at you. And that’s always a wonderful thing.

Play these. For real. If anything, it’s less scary than Marble Hornets. Which is really saying nothing at all.

Halloween Suggestions: Day 2

I’ve been slacking on my suggestions of things to make you evacuate your bowels in fear. Forgive me? Thanks, babe.

Today: Books

Books are scary, and not just because we’re Americans. When you watch a movie, the director and actors are saying “this is what is scary right here. Look at it.” When you read a book, you’re creating the scene in your mind, and it’s almost always creepier, because who knows what scares you better than you?

THAT'S WHO

Anyway, here’s two books that will make your thoughts their bitch.

(Note: The things I choose for my Suggestions are not necessarily the “scariest” books or movies or whatnot that I have ever seen. They are scary things that I am hoping you have not heard of before.)

From A Buick 8 – Stephen King

In my freshman year of high school I got a learning lab. I didn’t want a learning lab. I had to sit there and do homework, or read. It was freshman year, so I almost never had homework. So I read about 20 books, including every Stephen King book our library had to offer. Firestarter, Christine, The Dead Zone, ‘Salem’s Lot. They had quite a few. And I’d heard of all of them previously. But I had heard nothing about From A Buick 8, and was interested to read it.

One day, a man leaves a Buick 8 at a gas station in a rural town. The police station impounds it in a garage, and soon realizes that whatever this thing is, it only resembles a Buick 8. Strange lights flash around it, and sometimes things disappear from the vicinity of the car. Even worse, sometimes things appear. Things that should not…be.

That’s all I’m telling you about From A Buick 8. Read it. One thing I love about Stephen King is that he tells you enough in his descriptions to give you a general picture in your mind of what is happening. I remember being frightened by the mental picture I built of something from this book. If there’s a better compliment to give to someone, I sure as hell can’t think of it.

Relic – Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child

I read this book back in the time when my parents just brought home books from the library and I read them, without them like pre-approving them or anything. I was reading Stephen King books at the age of like, 12. Which can’t have been healthy for my brain. This book probably wasn’t either.

Now, my remembrance of this book is vague. The plot at least is. My being scared remains fresh in my mind. The general deal is that really, really weird murders are going in a museum, and people are trying to figure out what the hell is going on. This book is way better than I am making it sound, I swear. It’s creepy as all get out and you need to read it. Would I lie to you? I wouldn’t. Truth.

So there’s your two books to look at! I promise they are worth your time. If they’re not, comment. If they are, comment also. Just comment please.